Jen’s jewels of judgment – parenting edition

Also known as, “Stop raising another generation of assholes!”

Nothing gets my blood boiling more than being in a public place filled with children and their parents, although I am often left wondering if there are parents in the vicinity.

I am not going to say I have never acted like an asshole – I think that was the main purpose of my teens and twenties – but I look back on those incidents with regret and I am trying to raise my children to be better people than I was and am.  Apparently, much of the rest of the world are happy being assholes and raise their children to be even worse.

In case these parents aren’t doing it on purpose, here are some new concepts that they can learn and utilize:

  1. Turn taking – Most kids learn about this in pre-school, but when it is not reinforced by the animals tasked with raising these little buggers, it doesn’t seem to stick.  When you are in a public place and there are activities that lots of kids want to do, allowing your child to monopolize said activity makes you and your child, by extension an asshole.  So if you see kids piling up waiting for their turn, perhaps it’s time to ask your child to move on.
  2. Personal space – I know this is a concept most kids have difficulty with.  Therefore, if your child is entrusted with a long object, like a 3 foot long bubble wand, watch them.  If you see them following an adult around and repeatedly sticking that wand in that person’s face, this is your sign to step in.  Other adults should not be policing your children or being annoyed by them.  I don’t love the little bastards like you do, so I feel no need to be nice to them.  Don’t let them push me.
  3. General child monitoring – No matter how good you think your child is, I assure you they aren’t that good.  They are children.  They will get distracted, caught up in the moment and otherwise, tempted.  So remember, they are children and therefore require supervision.  This supervision should be provided by you, the parent, not by me.  I have my own children to properly supervise.  if you cannot supervise your own children, may I suggest you stay home or better yet, get sterilized.
  4. Discipline – Bravo, you were supervising your child well enough to notice her literally shove another child out of the way to get to a toy.  And yes, you told her that was wrong, repeatedly, while allowing her to play with said toy.  Anyone else see an issue with this picture?  It gave me a small bit of joy when that kid later tripped over my foot. 

When I start hating the children as much as the parents, I know it is time for me to leave.  So in short, stop being an asshole so I can bring my children out in public without showing them my violent side! 

Yesterday, there was one mom who made a point to not be an asshole and I was so shocked by what should be an act of normalcy, I actually stopped to thank her.  So for all you out there, intent on not raising a generation of assholes, I thank and salute you too!