Fear

I don’t normally see this as a place to dump my feelings. Usually I have an idea I mull it over I draft it edit it and proofread. This week I am going to make an exception. I am in fact typing this on my phone autocorrect and all with minimal punctuation because going to the comma screen is a royal ass pain.

I am doing this for two reasons. I need to talk about it and because I did a random google search and found a YouTube videovideo that provided lots of comfort so maybe this will help someone else.

My son is a toe walker. Has betn his whole life. I do it too so I was concerned but not overly. Finally the pediatrician and I realized he could not put his heels down so we went to a pediatric orthopedist. Three specialists later and my son is due for surgery in the morning and im scared. Scared about the incisions the anesthesia the recovery time in double walking casts. All of it.

We spent months laboribg over this decision dragging to the city to see doctor after doctor. Due the severity of his muscle contraction they all felt surgery was the best approach and I do too.

I know the doctors credentials. You don’t get to be chief of orthopedics at a respected children’s hospital by being a hack. Another specialist I spoke to raved about him. I even read patient reviews. Not a complaint in sight.

I do think this will be a good thing for him. He lives to run but lately he’s been slowing down and getting tired to easily. His cheetah speed is a point of pride for him but he doesn’t have it anymore. I hope when the casts come off he will again.

He’s a tough resilient incredibly mature young man and I am sure he will impress me with his good spirits and his energy. He always does.

But tomorrow my morning I will be bringing my beautiful perfect baby boy to the hospital so some guy can cut him open. And I am terrified…

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