I think I am getting sick. Not just a headache, not just nausea, not just a cold, but the dreaded combo of all of the above. And being sick with kids is the absolute worst thing about being a mom.
As much as being sick sucks, I can remember fondly days when I stayed home from school/work watching Saved by the Bell or movies like The Breakfast Club or a sanitized version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High on channel 11 (which was always on when I was home sick for some reason). When all I had to do was drag myself out of bed to make some instant mashed potatoes or soup so I could survive or better yet, ask my mom/grandma to do it.
But when you have kids, it’s a whole different world. They want attention and they want to be played with and they apparently need to eat and have diapers changed, etc. And their voices become infinitely squeakier the worse your head hurts.
When all you want to do is die silently, you must function, no matter what. You are forced to watch their TV shows (because it’s your best chance of keeping them quiet and immobilized), but you can’t escape to do dishes or play on the computer, because you are paralyzed and will, therefore, be tortured by SpongeBob’s laugh for hours on end. You have to deal with them standing over you copying your gagging as you throw up, often after you change their diapers. You have to “play” with them. I sometimes just lie on the floor and encourage them to play “crush the mommy” just so I can stop moving.
Then you inadvertently get one or both of them sick, and the entire house is cranky and dying (some of us more quietly than others) and hating each other. One of my kids is upstairs coughing/sneezing as I type this and my youngest was unusually cranky today, probably getting sick.
I’ve tried doubling up on my Vitamin C, echinacea and all those anti-germ drinks. None of those things ever seem to work (and I would rather die than drink those drinks), so I am going with a much more enjoyable tactic – attempting to drown the germs in a red wine called Wildebeest because it sounds tougher than other wines. Wish me luck!